Sam's Quandary
by Leria006
Summary: Kurt's head is held high, shoulders back and Sam doesn't know him well enough to see the stiffness in his movements as he fights back tears. He doesn't know Kurt all that well right now, but that is going to change. Best of all he knows just how to begin.


I am venturing into Glee territory. I have seen only the first three seasons and I've skipped parts of them so my knowledge isn't complete. However, I know most of what happens in season 4.

Also, Sam clearly is okay with Kurt from the beginning and later on Kurt keeps his secret of being homeless not to mention the fact that apparently in season 4 Sam and Blaine are best friends I felt that there was the possibility of exploring some post duet interaction.

So, I have taken a stab at this fandom. My favorite character is Kurt. And I love any scenes between him and Burt. However, it was Sam that demanded I write about so I did. Even if it is basically him musing about Kurt. Eh ^.^

I own nothing. Really. Nothing at all.

Please enjoy.

* * *

It hits him when he's walking to history. Or rather, he realizes he wants to know as he's walking to history. It is not the walk or the subject of history itself that suddenly sparks the questions he hasn't known he wants answers for. No, these are not questions that pop unaided into his mind.

The fact that they need prompting is immediately followed by the feeling that he, Sam Evans, should have already discovered the answers. The truth of the matter is however, that the questions jump into his head when he turns the corner of one hallway into the next and sees Kurt Hummel leaning against the lockers looking pained and a distinctive red and white jersey disappearing around the other corner. As Sam watches Kurt adjusts his hold on the bag he always carries, draws a deep breath, pushes away and strides down the hall away from Sam. Kurt's head is held high, shoulders back and Sam doesn't know him well enough to see the stiffness in his movements as he fights back tears.

Sam remains where he is. History is no longer important because now all he can think about is the duet they didn't sing. It's over, it is and they have all moved on and Kurt gave his reasons but the idea that what what was said doesn't cover the whole story has made him rethink the whole situation. Now he really wants to know why.

Why did Kurt ask him in the first place?

Why did Kurt willingly break off the partnership?

Why didn't he even try to find a new partner?

Sam's the new kid, he knows this and he desperately wants to fit in, to be liked, to not end up at the bottom of the social heap. High school is not easy, and the transition from an all boy's boarding school to Mckinley's crazy public drama is turning out to be even more difficult to navigate than he thought. And yes, the decision to actually join glee despite how hazardous it may be to his social standing was made because it looks fun and he wants to be a part of that.

Singing billionare with the guys had been fun but after seeing how the club was shunned he hesitated. It took weeks to make the decision and he figures if someone like Puck can survive with his rep it can't be that bad. It has only been a couple weeks since he joined and it is as fun as he thought it would be. Besides, aside from that one slushy not much has changed. He is still on the football team and is making progress on dating a cheerleader. Of course that makes him think about Quinn who he did sing a duet with and brings him back to thinking about Kurt and why he didn't get someone else to sing with him.

After all, he ended up singing a duet with Rachel after the competition. Kurt may not have known that Artie and Brittney were going to drop out but Sam's pretty sure Mr. Shue would have let someone double up if Kurt had asked. So...

So why?

The bell for class rings and he jumps, surprised to find himself still in the middle of the hall staring into space. Shaking his head he takes two steps closer to his history class before another thought occurs to him. He spends a moment contemplating the consequences of showing up late versus not showing up at all. Since Mckinley is nothing like his old school he realizes that the consequences are pretty much the same so he turns sharply on his heel and heads to the choir room instead. History is his last class and since it's Thursday it means he will end up there next anyway.

The room is empty, not surprising since no one except members of glee would be caught dead in here. He chooses a seat in the middle and plops down. Once he settles he allows the questions and thoughts to spin in his head. He's not sure exactly what about the situation is bothering him but he knows he has to figure it out.

He doesn't know Kurt well. Partially because he is a grade behind and therefore they share almost no classes, read any. The other part of it is that he took those first few weeks to try and get a feel for the place. He'd noticed Kurt. Of course he had. It is kind of hard _not_ to notice the only gay kid around who practically struts through the school as if he owns it in designer clothes. He spared him more than a passing thought after Finn and the guys initially tried to get him to join and he chickened out.

He remembers, peripherally anyway, the time just a few weeks ago when Kurt's father was in the hospital. He'd watched from a distance and felt the tension that hung over the group like a cloud. He'd spotted Kurt in the library a few times during that ordeal. Alone, always alone. Once he'd almost approached but had felt it wasn't his place since he didn't know him.

Thinking back on it now he discovers yet another question to ponder. With as close and dysfunctional as the New Directions are proving to be he wonders why he doesn't remember seeing them around Kurt more during that time. Is he overanalyzing this whole situation? He's not sure and the more he thinks the more he is confusing himself.

He just can't think of the why. Why Kurt stood before them and announced how he'd dissolved the partnership because of certain sensitivities. Maybe that is what bothers him because back in the shower Kurt had said something different. Told Sam that he needed to partner with someone who matched his talent and passion. Kurt made it sound as if _that_ was the bigger reason and not the fact that he would want to find a partner the world deemed more appropriate.

Sam thinks back to Finn's comments in the locker room. Pictures again Kurt's initial locker side introduction and how excited he was. Had Finn given Kurt the same speech? Telling Kurt not to sing with him. Sam would like to think not but he has the sneaking suspicion that he did. He sees the points that Finn had made. He even understands them but he doesn't see singing with Kurt as that huge of a deal. Glee is so far down on the social heap that surely singing with the only gay would not have that much of an impact on him. Surely.

Kurt had clearly been excited about the prospect, at least. And while he's sitting here contemplating the past he might as well be honest with himself and admit he hated hearing the clichéd 'it's not you it's me' line. There is something more here and for some reason Sam is going to find out what now because his mind won't stop spinning. He needs to know the real reason for Kurt willingly breaking off the partnership.

Had those sensitivities Kurt mentioned been from outside or from the rest of New Directions. He is pretty confident that Finn at least tried to talk Kurt out of singing with him. Had anyone else? Would they have said something to him? Glee is already considered beneath notice would they turn on one of their own? What could have been their reasoning if they had?

"Sam."

"Huh." He looks up, blinking to find Kurt standing beside him.

"Everything okay?" Kurt asks, setting down his bag and taking the seat next to Sam. Sam blinks again because he still hasn't answered the questions that popped up on the way to history. And incidentally here is the one person who can answer them for him. Kurt is watching him with some concern but Sam doesn't care because suddenly he just has to know and he blurts out the first question that comes to mind.

"Why did you decide to perform the duet with yourself?"

"What?" Now Kurt is the one blinking, tilting his head to the side as he tries to figure out why Sam is asking him this now. "I told you, I needed someone who matched my talent and..."

"That's what you said in the shower. But what you said in here was that because of certain sensitivities that you did not care to get into at that time." He pauses because he notices that Kurt's facial expression is completely blank. "Finn tried to tell me to break it off. Did he tell you the same thing?" He's watching Kurt closely but while something passes across Kurt's face he still doesn't know him well enough to even guess at what it might mean.

"It doesn't matter." Kurt's voice has gone cold and he is no longer looking right at Sam which is all the answer he needs.

"Yes it does. Especially if that is why you broke it off."

"That's not..." Kurt stops, takes a calming breath and turns to Sam once more. "What are you really asking Sam? What do you want to know?"

Sam opens his mouth to answer, ready to list everything that's been running through his head but stops himself and his mouth clicks shut. He thinks about this because it's important and Kurt is waiting patiently. He knows that Kurt is confused, so is he, but Kurt deserves the truth so he sits back and tries his best to phrase his questions in a way that make sense.

"I'm not sure." He finally answers honestly and smirks as Kurt raises a single eyebrow and just stares. Sam has seen this face before, though never directed at him. He is pretty sure this is Kurt's clearly-you-have-lost-what-little-sense-you-had-wh y-are-you-dragging-me-into-this look. "Okay, let us start with the beginning and work our way from there?"

"How logical." Kurt declares snippily. "Are you sure you're a jock?" Sam laughs.

"Yes, but anyway. Back when we first got assigned duets, why did you ask me to be your partner? Was it because you thought I was gay and was hoping to turn the free dinner at breadstix into a date?" His voice lowers as he finishes the question. He hopes that isn't the case and refuses to think about his flirting with Quinn in the science room and how he hoped, after they got paired, that he could do just that. It wasn't the same. Not really. Kurt's eyebrow is lowered again and he's biting his lower lip which must mean. Oh...

"No." Kurt clips out, voice sharp. "I had hoped you might be." He admits softly, looking straight at Sam. "And it is a very good possibility that that hope contributed to my initial enthusiasm. However I did not ask you to be my partner just so I could go to dinner with you. Though that would have been nice."

"So why did you?" Sam really wants to know, even more now when he can hear an echo of pain and loneliness in Kurt's tone. Kurt doesn't answer right away. He appears to be contemplating his answer, or maybe just deciding if he should give one. Eventually he sighs. Sam just waits.

"Because you were new and didn't know me yet, not really and you weren't here last year and therefore weren't involved in any of the drama and yes I did think you might bat for my team but I've learned my lesson when it comes to manipulating others into situations not of their choosing, really I have, and I just thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to let someone get to know me without the influence of the group and even if you weren't on my team then maybe you would still be okay with being around me even though I'm _me_ and perhaps it wouldn't be awkward if I could just make the right first impression which thinking back on it I already screwed that up with the whole thing with your hair and I just wanted..." Kurt cuts himself off as he is started to hyperventilate. He brings one trembling hand up to cover his mouth and Sam stares wide eyed at Kurt who stares back.

Sam is impressed with how Kurt just blurted that all out without pause or, it seems, breathing. This has answered a few things but he still isn't clear on everything.

"So was it Finn that made you change your mind?"

"No." Kurt says after a while, moving his hand back to his lap and twisting his hands together. His voice wavers, but he continues. "Finn did tell me I shouldn't sing with you. That by insisting on doing so I was being selfish because it meant I didn't care about the group since you would take so much crap that you would leave the group after only a week."

"That's ridiculous." Sam sputters.

"Perhaps. But it wasn't Finn that convinced me to set you free as it were." Kurt is staring at his hands. Sam wishes he understood him better because he wants to do something to take away the slump currently residing in Kurt's shoulders but he doesn't know what would be acceptable. "It was my dad." Kurt quietly admits and when he breathes in his whole body shakes.

"What did he say?" Sam decides to throw caution to the wind and reaches out, placing his hand on top of Kurt's. Kurt jumps at the touch but Sam doesn't move his hand away. He doesn't move it closer either. When Kurt shifts his hand so he can actually hold Sam's Sam smiles 'cause he knows he's done the right thing.

"It is actually a pretty long story." Kurt states. Sam waits. Eventually Kurt sighs. "The cliffnote version is that I had crush on Finn last year. Last two years actually, though I didn't gather the courage to act on it until last year. I made some very selfish decisions that hurt others, including my dad and Finn. So when I mentioned that Finn didn't want me to sing with you because it would ruin your reputation dad said that maybe Finn had a point. That, maybe I was pushing you around and taking advantage of you because I thought you might be gay." Kurt shrugs one shoulder, not looking up. Sam just grips his hand tighter because he is starting to get the picture and he wishes he had asked sooner.

"So you decided to dissolve our partnership because your dad thought you were being too pushy."

"He told me that until I found someone as open as me I was just going to have to get used to going it alone." Kurt answers and Sam flashes back to Kurt's little speech before his performance. How had Sam not heard the bitterness in his voice when he told them that very fact. Kurt isn't talking now, just staring down at their joined hands as if he thinks if he blinks they will disappear.

He has the answers to his questions. They aren't the answers he was expecting. They've opened up a bunch of other questions but he knows one question that he has never needed to ask because the answer has never changed. He doesn't care that Kurt is gay, he never has. He didn't talk to him before glee because there was no reason to. Kurt is a junior, he is a sophomore. Their paths just didn't cross. Now, looking at Kurt's slumped shoulders and rapidly blinking eyes he knows one thing for sure.

Kurt is lonely and scared.

He makes his decision then. Because while he doesn't want to end up on the bottom of the social heap he won't abandon his friends once he's made them. He doesn't know Kurt all that well right now, but that is going to change. Best of all he knows just how to begin.

"Sing a duet with me." Sam says. Kurt's head snaps up, eyes impossibly wide.

"What?"

"I'm sure we can find an appropriate song and I think our voices would go together. So, come on, I'll come over to your house and we can work on it tonight and this weekend. We can perform it next week."

"What about your reputation?" Kurt whispers, barely breathing.

"I can deal with whatever happens. Where I come from your word is everything. So, should I come over tonight or not?"

Sam doesn't know Kurt all that well. But he knows Kurt just well enough to know that the smile on Kurt's face in this moment is rare and precious.

Sam also knows he's made the right decision once again.


End file.
